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answers to Frequent questions

Q: What, if anything, do I tell my partner I’m doing when I join this programme?

A: The honest answer is that you are doing some work on yourself for the benefit of the both of you. The programme is absolutely not about encouraging people to leave their relationships or to stay in them. The programme is about helping people to understand what’s going on for them in their particular relationship and to make the informed decisions about their future. (By the way, the programme is run under the generic name and logo, SIS, which is not perhaps as worrying as someone going on a programme called “Should I Stay”. All emails and website addresses are based on either “SIS” or “Lucien Stanfield”.)

Q: Is this for couples or individuals?

A: It is designed for individuals. I’ve found that many people are able to make greater and more rapid progress if they are doing the work in the programme on their own. This is not to say that couples should not be in couples therapy; not at all. The Should I Stay programme is coaching, not therapy, and can complement couples therapy. I strongly suggest Emotionally Focussed Therapy as the approach to take for this and not to use any therapist who has not had extensive formal training in couples work, even if they are very experienced in seeing individual clients. Having said this, for many people there is work to do even before seeing a couples counsellor and doing this can be the difference between a successful outcome or a disastrous one. And sometimes, a partner might not be ready or willing to see someone with you. Much can be done, nevertheless.

Q: Is this one-to-one coaching?

A: I offer three tiers of relationship help. The first is one-to-one therapy/counselling. I have very few places for these each year. The sessions are for individuals or couples and clients tend to be successful entrepreneurs, philanthropists, top-level professionals, creatives, and entertainers.

The second type of help I offer is the Should I Stay programme. This is coaching rather than counselling and delivers powerful and rapid solutions to many clients’ situations. You are currently on the website for that programme.

The third type of help is low-cost therapy. This is currently only available to residents of Islington. You can also find help, at a range of costs, at the British Emotionally Focused Therapy Centre’s website.

Q: Do I have to participate in group work? Can I do the Should I Stay programme on my own?

A: Some people have never discussed their feelings and thoughts with others before and the prospect of discussing things with others in a group is daunting. It is possible to do the programme on one’s own but you would miss out on some of its most significant value. The bi-weekly sessions with Lucien are done in a small group setting. Your group for this stays the same for 12 weeks and group membership is limited to a maximum of 6 people. There is also a private programme area for participants, from all the current groups, to discuss and share their progress. You do not have to use your full name, if you wish not to, and strict confidentially forms part of the contract for joining the programme. Most people find that friendships made through the programme last well beyond the 12-weeks and become important life-long friendships.

Q: What is the cost of the programme?

A: The cost is similar to many self-development programmes and the results could save you many hundreds of thousands. The programme suits those keen and able to invest in themselves; to significantly transform the quality of their lives and the lives of those around them. The benefits are life-long and frankly, its value is beyond price. If you are on a low income and live in Islington, please check out the low-cost psychotherapy service based at Claremont.

Q: Is this only for British participants?

A: This programme is suitable for all English-speakers. We discuss meeting times in our initial call to make sure that they will work for you in your time zone.